My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years, and we’ve probably spent the last 10 fighting.
We love each other very much, and wanted to be together, but we’d just get in these vicious cycles and neither of us knew how to get out. It was time-consuming, energy-sucking and life-draining—literally. It got to the point where sometimes we’d both wonder what we’re still doing together.
Then about 3 months ago, the fighting just stopped.
It’s like the “fight” file was removed from my brain.
I’m not doing anything not to fight, we didn’t “work anything out”… the impulse to argue just isn’t there.
It’s so shocking (in a good way) that I’ve spent the last few weeks wondering what’s changed.
And I realized that what changed was my commitment to my creativity. Over the last several months, I’ve been writing everyday, stretching myself with new projects, and really learning how to be in integrity in ways that support me doing what I love.
I think continually being on the edge of my comfort zone creatively gives me a rush of aliveness, so I don’t need to unconsciously create rushes of adrenaline by fighting with my husband any more.